Ok, I know this my blog about me becoming an archaeologist. Yet in becoming anything, the past comes to light in different ways, or maybe a way that was not expected. Today was one of those days. No, I take that back, this weekend one was of THOSE weekends--and today is ONLY Saturday.
Friday my 'other' mother and I spent the day together! These are the days that are ALWAYS fun and full of life experiences that I will pass to my grandchildren! We started out at Salvation Army with hopes of me to finding clothes to use while in Ecuador. I cleaned up! I got a pair of Timberland Hiking boots for 19 bucks! Five pair of cargo pants, a fair amount of t-shirts (including one that has the "Evil Monkey" from Family Guy--SCORE!!!) We went to Royal Oak Salvation Army, Livonia, Garden City, and Dearborn...whew! We went to WalMart (which I quietly protest due to the child labor crap that allegedly occurs) And my aggravation escalated when while looking for a CD for my 'other' mother, I came across a CD entitled "Barefoot Natives"...I was suddenly thrust back in time to the Trobriand Islands with Malinowski posed alongside the 'natives'. I was irritated, 1--because this is so exploitative, 2) because as an anthropologist this was just WRONG!! 3)...it just plumb didn't sit well with me...I mean look at the cover of the CD!!! It doesn't matter if the people were from Hawaii, or Georgia, or Nez Peirce...it just did not set well with me... I've not heard the music of this "duo", and am not sure if I actually want to. I surely was not going to purchase a CD so proceeds can go toward perpetuating ignorance--known or otherwise.
I went home in anticipation for my oldest daughter's arrival to town.
THIS morning consisted of hurried patience, tears, anger and a lot of cooking!!! Despite the drama from insecure people, I grilled for my oldest daughter's arrival--lots of food at that!
My big girl left the following Monday. As she is growing older and becoming this wonderful woman....questions tend to come up about MY past. What is most interesting is as an archaeologist, my job is to study the material used of previous cultures. Yet, when it comes to my past....at times, it can be very difficult to put into words the hard lessons I have learned--especially to my children. Please, do not get me wrong--I have made it VERY clear that I am human, I screw up, but I will always do my best.
Well, when my oldest returned to Winston-Salem, a conversation commenced when she called me to let me know she had made it home safely. It was then and there that I realized that the relationship that her dad and I had when we were soo much younger meant more to me then what I was willing to understand until the moment she shared with me that her dad told her that the month that we broke up, he was looking for an apartment on campus were he was attending university so that we would not have to be apart anymore--he wanted it to be a surprise. I have to say, that statement struck my heart like a hot poker going right through the left ventricle....not because I did not want to hear it, but THAT is exactly what I wanted back then. He was my best friend, if anythng would happen--he would be the first person I would call. Every day he would be the first person I was speak to in the morning and the last before I went to sleep. I loved him with all of my heart and soul...and always will. He was my first love. And for those of you who know what a first love is like, knows that it is a feeling that will never leave your soul. No matter who moves on, when, or how--it is apart of you forever.
I told my daughter about my love for him at the time...and to know that he is not happy at this moment in his life, makes me want to reach out to him--because I love him...he was my first love...it was the kind of love that time stood still for...and I lost it...I pushed him away...due only to my impatience and lack of understandings. But hey, we were barely 19 years old-- it was the past and today I have a very clear understanding. Do I pine for him? No, but I can say that if there was an opportunity in which we could try again...I would be willing and ready. In the meantime, I just want him to be happy.
You see, people come into our lives, for reasons, seasons, and forever...but no one says a season cannot turn into forever...nor does anyone say that it's good to never know love...I believe that it is true to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
When it comes to love...what would you do for it? How much of a 'barefoot native' would you be to ensure a life-long companion? It's definitely something to think about.
Until next time!
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